If you are reading this , then your marriage is probably in trouble and you want to save it. I’m here to give you some tips to save your marriage that really work. I know they really work because they have worked for me and they have worked for thousands of other marriages.
When marriages are in tight spots and there seems to be neverending problems,conflicts and arguments.DON'T GIVE UP JUST YET...What can you say and what can you do to save your marriage? Many people want to put the passion back into their marriages but they don’t even know where to start. They try some things but end up frustrated when they don’t appear to be working. That is why these tips to save a marriage are so important, because you will see results!
1. See a Counselor
Are there bigger issues in the relationship or do you have some unresolved issues from the past that affects your current relationships? See someone who can help you objectively sort through them all. If you feel yourself hesitating, remember that there is a big section in each bookstore devoted to “self-help.” You are not alone in looking for solutions to your issues.
Don’t keep it to yourself or assume your partner knows what’s troubling you. If you are bothered about something IN the relationship, focus on your feelings and what you want to see happen, not on what they are doing wrong. If the problem is outside the relationship, trust your partner to help you through your distress.
3. Date Nights
Make a date with your partner. You may see them every day, but if “seeing them” counts as chatting while opening mail, cleaning the dishes or putting kids to bed, you need to find time to talk without distraction. Go out regularly. Make a weekly or monthly commitment and add it to your calendar.
You don’t get in shape by reading about it. Making a commitment to exercise is what keeps your body healthy. Likewise, your relationships are healthier when you devote time to them.
This is marriage advice from researcher John Gottman in his work on what determines marital success. Moving towards each other, not away during or after arguments (and in general) is key to repairing the relationship and solving problems. What I often see with couples is that they withdraw from each other when they're upset or start to lead separate lives when they feel disconnected. Moving toward each other might be as simple as making sure you greet each other with a kiss/hug at the end of the day or laughing together at the end of an argument. It also means that when you're upset with your partner, that your mind is working on reconnecting or repairing not building evidence against them! For more on this see my article on what to do when you're angry.
5.Being 100% responsible for your words, actions and thoughts about your spouse/marriage
There's a myth out there that marriage is 50/50. In these last few decades, we have come to believe that people must contribute their half for the marriage to be whole. But, the truth is, as anyone who's been marriage long enough can attest, it's rarely ever 50/50. Sometimes over the years, one makes more money and does most of the housework. Sometimes when someone gets sick or is trying to advance their career or education, the other person picks up all the slack for childcare and running errands. This is what love and emotional maturity is all about. Heed this marriage advice: Being 100% responsible means that you are fully responsible to your partner (not necessarily for them)and responsible for how and who you are being in the marriage. It means that you are fully taking care of your marriage with your words said to your spouse or about your marriage to others. This means managing your negative thoughts when you're angry. It means that you actually have to stop blaming each other and start being willing to give up being "right" for the sake of the partnership. And it most certainly means being responsible for your actions by being faithful, loving and and a true friend to each other.
6.Meet your Mate Needs
Consider what your mate needs. Some of the things she may be making perfectly clear to you, such as a need for space. Some of her needs may be unspoken, and you’ll need to figure those out for yourself. Perhaps she has a need for respect. Give it to her, even in the midst of being separated. Perhaps she has a need to be valued and treasured. Give it to her, in small but significant ways.
7.Listen to your Mate
Your wife left because of things you’ve been doing that hurt her. It is unlikely she came to this decision easily. What has your mate been trying to get across to you? What changes is she desperate for? Seek opportunities to listen to her. Even if you don’t have a formal conversation with her, I suspect there are subtle ways she makes her message known. Listen carefully. Make a list of those things she needs to set out to make the necessary changes.
Finally, commit everything to prayer. The Scripture is clear: “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” (Psalm 127: 1) You must seek the Lord’s guidance and follow his lead. Prayer is your pathway to peace. Prayer not only can change her heart, but yours. Then you can feel the peace of God in your heart and life.